If God came to me right now and said I could have anything in the world, all I'd ask for is the ability to relax. And by that I don't mean a few days off of work (he knows I need the hours). What I'm referring to is peace of mind --- something I haven't experienced in what seems like a very long time.
I wish the cause of my anxiety was nothing but an ordinary issue that I could blow out of proportion in an attempt to make life feel meaningful and important. Unfortunately, it's not. I'm going to be twenty-three years old this coming Friday. Sounds terrible, right? Perhaps I'd be more excited if my doctors would stop telling me I probably have multiple sclerosis. It's kind of a downer.
And I might not be so upset about it if I wasn't a hypochondriac to begin with. In 2009, my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer. She made it through, but ever since then I've been extremely fearful of developing a serious illness myself. And it sure doesn't help to know that I could actually have one.
Even if I did, though, I can't imagine any symptom being more debilitating than the emotional stress that a psychological disorder such as mine can cause. I just want it to stop.
But the only thing to do, I suppose, is continue living my life. What other option is there? We all have our burdens, and this is mine. Who knows --- perhaps I can turn it into an opportunity for good by helping others facing the same problem.
I know this has been a rather morbid entry and for that I'm sorry. I'll try to ensure that my future posts are slightly more uplifting. This is just something I really needed to get off my chest. Thanks for reading.
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