009 | One Day

Below are the lyrics to my favorite Matisyahu song. It's the greatest picture of hope for a new creation that I've ever come across.

Just thought I'd share. :)

Watch the music video.

Sometimes I lay under the moon, and thank God I'm breathing. Then I pray, "Don't take me soon", 'cause I am here for a reason.

Sometimes in my tears I drown, but I never let it get me down. So when negativity surrounds, I know someday it'll all turn around, because...

All my life I've been waiting for, I've been praying for, for the people to say that we don't want to fight no more. There'll be no more wars, and our children will play.

One day, one day, one day...

It's not about win or lose, 'cause we all lose when we feed on the souls of the innocent --- blood-drenched pavement. Keep on moving, though the waters stay raging.

And in this maze you can lose your way, your way. It might drive you crazy, but don't let it phase you, no way, no way.

One day this all will change --- treat people the same, stop with the violence, down with the hate.

One day we'll all be free and proud to be under the same sun, singing songs of freedom.

One day, one day, one day...

008 | GLaDOS O Glad

April 19th, 2011 will forever be a turning point in my life. Not because it's the supposed launch date of a certain fictional computer intelligence system that eventually goes rogue and attempts to destroy mankind, but because it marks the day that Portal ceased to be my favorite video game of all time.

You might be asking yourself "What could ever lead a person to decry such a prime example of innovation?" Why, none other than its sequel, of course! Having shown up at midnight to claim my purchase, I swiftly made my way back home in order to embark upon the journey that would transcend every preconceived notion I had about the game.

And after three days of joyful engagement, the verdict is finally in: I've never played anything so incredible before. Round of applause for Valve and every single individual who had a hand in bringing Portal 2 to fruition.

Now you're probably wondering "Okay, so what makes this game so amazing?" I'll begin with the fact that it's actually TWO games. The single player is rather short for an in-box product (although it's definitely longer than the first). However, the co-op makes up for this entirely by providing us with a completely independent storyline. All-in-all, I've probably registered about thirty six hours so far --- and that's just my first playthrough. If one was so inclined as to strive to earn all the achievements, I'm thinking upwards of fifty hours would be the end result. Basically, what seems at first like a very short game can be extended according to the player's will.

In addition, the developers made sure to re-incorporate everything that people loved about the original. For instance, the quirky humor that turned Portal 1 into the cult classic it's known as today is present from start to finish. It also seems as though Valve tried to keep things fresh by knowing where to draw the line in regard to old jokes that have been tired out --- i.e. references to cake are extremely scarce.

Finally (and perhaps most importantly), the smooth gameplay and ingenious level design fuse to create an experience that's unlike any other. Few titles will leave a gamer with such a feeling of exhilaration AND satisfaction in the same breath. Words really aren't helpful in describing this. My advice? Go buy yourself a copy and play it. I promise you won't be sorry. The question I keep hearing over and over: "Is it worth sixty dollars?" The answer: "Every. Damn. Penny."

To view the teaser trailer for Portal 2, click here.

007 | Hello / Goodbye

After five years of trying (and I use that term loosely), I've finally done it --- and by "it", I mean held a steady job. Since June of 2010 and until last week, my income has been wholly dependent on one Howard Schultz. That's right --- I was a drone to the corporate coffee hive. But as I much as I loved it (a term I use even more loosely), I'm afraid I've had to "pass the Buck" (terrible pun, I know) to somebody else in favor of a position with more favorable returns.

Two days ago, I was certified as a server at Macaroni Grill. This process consisted of my waiting three tables over the course of an hour in order to demonstrate to my supervisors that I was ready to be independent. When it was over, I left with forty dollars in my pocket. That's approximately what I used to make per week at Starbucks. Of course, we're only talking gratuity. In base pay, I was actually making more previously than I am now. But when it comes to tips like that, a bi-monthly check is just going to seem like a bonus.

It's unusual for me to be so concerned with money, but as of late I haven't really had a choice. Things just seem to be piling up financially. But I know better than to make it the be-all and end-all of my existence. In times of anxiety, I do my best to remember Jesus' words in Matthew 6: "Do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? But seek first God's kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Verses 25, 27, 33-34)

To be honest, I'm grateful that money is my biggest concern right now. It beats dealing with all the health issues that have surfaced over the past year. Sometimes I think we get so wrapped up in trivial matters that we forget to slow down, take a step back, and reflect on what an incredible gift life itself is. I, for one, can easily say that that fact will never be lost on me again.

006 | Pressing On

If God came to me right now and said I could have anything in the world, all I'd ask for is the ability to relax. And by that I don't mean a few days off of work (he knows I need the hours). What I'm referring to is peace of mind --- something I haven't experienced in what seems like a very long time.

I wish the cause of my anxiety was nothing but an ordinary issue that I could blow out of proportion in an attempt to make life feel meaningful and important. Unfortunately, it's not. I'm going to be twenty-three years old this coming Friday. Sounds terrible, right? Perhaps I'd be more excited if my doctors would stop telling me I probably have multiple sclerosis. It's kind of a downer.

And I might not be so upset about it if I wasn't a hypochondriac to begin with. In 2009, my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer. She made it through, but ever since then I've been extremely fearful of developing a serious illness myself. And it sure doesn't help to know that I could actually have one.

Even if I did, though, I can't imagine any symptom being more debilitating than the emotional stress that a psychological disorder such as mine can cause. I just want it to stop.

But the only thing to do, I suppose, is continue living my life. What other option is there? We all have our burdens, and this is mine. Who knows --- perhaps I can turn it into an opportunity for good by helping others facing the same problem.

I know this has been a rather morbid entry and for that I'm sorry. I'll try to ensure that my future posts are slightly more uplifting. This is just something I really needed to get off my chest. Thanks for reading.

005 | With Open Eyes

I think I'm going to skip out on class today. It's not just that I'm too lazy to go, although that definitely is a factor. But more than anything, I feel like I need to take a day for reflection. I've been doing a lot of reading lately --- I just finished Donald Miller's "A Million Miles In A Thousand Years" and now I'm in the middle of "The Irresistible Revolution" by Shane Claiborne. They're both very compelling perspectives on how to live life to the fullest, but it doesn't seem like I've really given either of them the chance to digest. So that's what I'm going to do.

There are some things that I don't agree with the authors on (particularly, the extremely liberal approach to economics --- but this is really only in Shane's case). However, I found that the overall themes of both books gave me a lot to think about. For instance, "A Million Miles In A Thousand Years" is all about living your life as Story... or, in other words, tying your little picture into the Big Picture. Don forced me to ask myself this question: When I die and stand before God, what will we have to talk about? As of this moment, the honest answer is --- not much. I mean, sure... I've had some experiences. But my understanding of the Bible is that God wants our lives to be drenched in love, and I've always believed that real love can only be recognized by the amount of risk that's involved. Truth be told --- I haven't taken a lot of risks. Most of my time is spent engaging in passive activities. I'd like to do more. I'd like a story to tell God when I meet Him, so he can then tell me how it fits into His Story.

My starting place is going to be a project that a friend of mine and I are launching called The Eden Underground. We're basing it on Matthew 6:1-4, where Jesus tells us not to do our 'acts of righteousness' in front of others, but rather to give in secret. We plan to become an organization dedicated to the improvement of our community by participating in what can only be described as fly-by-night acts of non-violent vigilantism. Sounds risky, eh?

The best part of this new venture is that it also incorporates what I've been learning from Shane in "The Irresistible Revolution", primarily that following Jesus means getting your hands dirty. At one point, he quotes Tony Campolo: "Jesus never says to the poor, 'Come find the church', but he says to those of us in the church, 'Go into the world and find the poor, hungry, homeless, imprisoned', Jesus in his disguises." A good portion of what we'll be doing in The Eden Underground is spending time with those less fortunate than us.

Shane has also helped me to understand the concept of less being more. Now, I'm not a dualist, so I don't necessarily believe that enjoying the material is wrong. But as of late, I've been feeling a little contempt toward my possessions. Actually, it might be better to say contempt toward the life that my possessions encourage me to live. I often find myself longing to be rid of many things (particularly, all the furniture I bought in an attempt to make everything conform to some ridiculous design aesthetic) just in order to regain a sense of freedom. No wonder Jesus tells us to sell our possessions and give to the poor (Matthew 19:21) --- we're enslaved by too much while they're enslaved by too little.

All in all, I think these two authors have taught me quite a lot. More importantly, they've reminded me that there's still so much to learn. For a while, I was worried that my spiritual life was at a bit of a standstill. I guess that's what happens when you convince yourself you already know everything. But by showing me that I don't and that no one else does either, God has humbled me and opened my eyes to what really matters: The Body.

004 | Loco Motion

For some time now, I've been eager to voice my opinion on the topic of motion controls. And I have to say... I really don't think it's going anywhere, at least not as far as hardcore gaming is concerned. Yes, it's been a big hit with the casual market, but we have to face it --- that's not what keeps the industry alive. People who play games in spits and spurts just aren't as willing to shell out the big bucks the same way people who perceive their hobby as a way of life are.

And the fact of the matter is... hardcore gamers just aren't digging it. Everytime I talk to someone who plays as much as I do, I get the same response: motion controls don't get the job done. In the words of Andy McNamara (editor-in-chief at Game Informer Magazine): "You move like a Frankenstein monster, not the master ninja gamers want to become".

It's not that motion controls can't be fun. On the contrary, I've had many a good time playing well-developed games for the Wii. But if I had to choose between that and the experience I have with a good old 360 controller --- well, no competition.

And frankly, the fact that both Microsoft and Sony are both about to release their own spin on the Wii Remote is a little unnerving. I suppose it's understandable... After all, this is the period of experimentation. We're all aching to find out what can be done with this new form of technology. Many of us believe that these are the first steps toward creating a completely immersive game experience (virtual reality, anyone?). And hopefully, Microsoft and Sony have the same vision. Because if they're primary goal is to make this means-to-an-end their next big thing... well, I just hope I'm not underneath it when the bottom falls out.

003 | Can I Say...?

As most of my friends already know, I've had an extremely difficult time finding a church where I really feel comfortable being myself. The last two years have seen me hop from service to service, looking for a place in which I can connect with God, others, myself, and creation without sensing that I might be unwelcome due to my progressive outlook on the Christian faith (or worse, due to my sexuality).

And I'm not alone in my search. That's why from Fall of 2008 to Fall of 2009, a close-knit group of friends and I conducted a series of gatherings that gave all who decided to join us a chance to ask the questions they had always wanted to ask but felt they couldn't and to be accepted, no matter who they were. In short, we created the environment we had been longing for but that the churches in our area didn't seem to be offering.

Unfortunately, it wasn't long before things like school and work began to get in the way for those of us who ran the meetings. So the group dispersed and I continued the pursuit of a faith community I could eventually call my own. And the good news is, I think I've found one. Mars Hill Bible Church in Grand Rapids, Michigan is over 2200 miles away from where I live and was therefore an unlikely candidate. But over the past few months, it's come to feel like my home away from home. Every week (or most weeks, anyway) I download the podcast of their Sunday sermon and listen to either Rob Bell or Shane Hipps (Mars Hill's teaching pastors and two of my favorite authors/speakers) talk about what it means to bring heaven to earth.

But the reason I feel so drawn to this community isn't just because I respect its leaders. Unlike many churches (at least in my experience), Mars Hill is defined by those who make up it's congregation. I'm talking about over 10,000 people (more than that if you count online followers) who have committed their lives to "Living out the way of Jesus in missional communities, announcing the arrival of his kingdom, and working for measurable change among the oppressed" (this, by the way, is the official Mars Hill Mission Statement). And even though I'm unable to attend the actual services, I can still connect with these people via Mars Hill's Website. For every podcast, the administrators post discussion questions that allow listeners to engage with one another as they delve deeper into the topic at hand.

Of course, there is a downside to this type of long-distance relationship. For instance, I'm unable to participate in a lot of the things that in-person attendees can, such as worship, classes, volunteer work, retreats, and mission trips. And sadly, that's where most community building occurs. However, I still feel that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. And a dynamic like this is definitely better than nothing, at least until I can find something a little bit closer to home.

For those of you who know where I'm coming from in terms of feeling rejected, I suggest you give Mars Hill a try. Check out the summary of their beliefs (what they refer to as Narrative Theology). And if you'd like to learn even more about them, you can read up on their values (or Directions). Last but not least, don't forgot about the podcast, which you can download from iTunes for free.